Recovery Stories
Shelly:
I grew up in a middle class family. My dad worked hard and was rarely home. I believed my parents' expectations influenced my brothers to pursue college and that I should find a husband to support me. I was like a doll for my mom to dress up and make perfect. I always felt inadequate, like I was not enough.
In middle school, I started taking my mom's diet pills. I believed if I were thin and attractive I would be loved and popular. My use progressed throughout high school. I married at 19 hoping it would please my parents and help straighten me out. That relationship only lasted one year.
After graduating UW-Madison, I attempted to teach 4th grade while using cocaine as often as possible. Feelings of loneliness and hopelessness were constant. I realized the only reason I did not commit suicide was my family's love for me.
To support my drug habit, I would steal. I was finally caught in both Oregon and California. Luckily, charges were never pressed. I had been to at least six therapists but always lied or talked the talk. Finally, after moving to Kentucky, I was caught stealing again, lost my job and went to see yet another psychologist. She told me she couldn’t help me until I went into inpatient treatment. I entered treatment January 28, 1983, in Lexington, Kentucky. I was pregnant and had no support or self-worth and I was willing to surrender and get help.
In treatment, I realized I was a sick person trying to get well, not a bad person trying to get good. I had to deal with so many painful issues including a therapeutic abortion and dealing with prior sexual abuse treatment was my new beginning.
The staff saw something in me I did not see in myself. The medical director encouraged physical activity to reduce cravings and improve self-worth. By the end of treatment I was able to run up to three miles and felt like a new person. I also went to a 12-step group daily. After one year of being sober, they invited me to work at the hospital as an aide and I spent the next year helping others. In 1985, I returned to Madison. It was a challenging transaction leaving my mentors and support.
Today, I am married almost 20 years to a wonderful and supportive spouse and have two teenagers, a daughter 15 and a son 17 1/2;. Wow, that’s a challenge! I now own and operate Connections Counseling, a clinic for young people. It is a strength-based clinic focusing on mentors and service work. Connections is a vision and dream come true! I have also been involved in creating Horizons High School—Madison’s first sober high school. My mom, my greatest supporter, recently died. She believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself and I miss her everyday.
Recovery is a lifetime process. My awareness has increased such that I can identify the signals for seeking spiritual or professional support. Today, I feel blessed to have almost 23 years off drugs and the ability to acknowledge the importance of balance. Quiet time, nature, family and my women friends are an integral part of my soul.
Today, I cherish each day and trust the process. I realize my purpose is to provide hope for others to find their paths, and so the journey continues . . .
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